constructum | C O N T A C T

[He's waiting outside her room, because she has to come back eventually. How he ditches Cameron is a mystery - John is sneaky, but Cameron's distracted by lack of Sarah, too, that helps.

But he really needs to talk to someone who gets human interaction and without his mom, it only leaves a small handful of people.

Ariadne it is.]

[ John is right, Ariadne does eventually have to come back - and it's not too long after John shows up at her door. ]

John? [ She calls in surprised as she rounds the corner with sketchbook in hand. ]

What's up? [ because something has to be up right? ]

[He's quiet for a minute, getting up and looking around a little. It always takes him a minute to start up, always a minute of being quiet]

You busy?

[ her head cocks to the side at that, her expression turning more curiously concerned as she opens her door for them. ]

Of course not… [ she'll always make time for you john. ] …everything okay?

[He nods as he ducks into her room, and crosses his arms - a sure sign of nerves]

You know Kurt Hummel, right?

[ she tosses her sketchpad on her desk, turning to look at him with her full attention, really now slightly concerned. ]

The guy, that's writing a play or something, right?

Yeah. I don't know what that's about, I'm not...

Anyway.

[He takes a long breath. A pause]

He's probably the only person on this ship outside you and my family I trust.

[Don't read into the last part of that comment.]

That's a good thing I'd like to think.

[ she nods slowly in understanding, her eyes scanning over him as if she could try to understand what might be wrong that way. ]

Did something happen to him?

[He mutters this part]

He kissed me.

On the mouth.

[In case that was her next question]

[ well she didn't see that coming. ]

Why?

[ pretty sure you said something about not being into that sort of thing, right? ]

[SEE THAT'S FUNNY BECAUSE NEITHER DID JOHN]

Well I'm guessing it's because he's attracted to me.

[Pause. Let's clear this up.]

I'm not into guys. I was telling him about my last birthday - which was awful, just to be clear - and then he set the spoon down and kissed me.

[ okay, well, huh. give her a minute to process this all. ]

What did you do when he kissed you?

I took a step back.

[ okay, well, huh. umm...

what the hell do you say to this without sounding surprised? ]

And what did he do?

[Oh my god he's not gay stop thinking of him that way Ariadne!!!!]

He got upset. More at himself.

[ oh my god she doesn't think that! it's all odd feelings, she doesn't do those well. (repressed girl here) ]

What made him do that though? I mean, he knows you aren't into that sort of thing, right?

I don't know.

[John looks vaguely uncomfortable]

He's overwhelmed, I think.

[ she just frowns slightly, rubbing at the back of her neck in thought. ]

How are you doing with it though?

[ she needs to make sure here. ]

[He gets a little quiet because he's dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions, so he's just gonna hit on the one that's strongest]

My uncle told me something, once. That they die for me. They all die for me.

The people I care about. When I grow up, everyone sacrifices themselves for John Connor.

I think I let myself get too close.

[That means to Hayley, and to Ariadne, too.]

[ her brow furrows in thought at that, moving over towards her bed to sit in thought. she might not know/understand the whole sacrificing oneself for others feeling, but she knows what getting too close feels like. and it's a horrible feeling to have. ]

This isn't there though, John. [ she quietly said, nodding slightly towards the spot next to her, simply wanting him to sit.]

[He sits, and it's like he's folding in on himself. Kurt kissed him and ran away, and he has to fix Cameron, and on top of that, he hasn't dealt with his mom leaving him.]

I met this girl, back home. Funny. Not smart, so I got to feel smart, you know? Bright. Sunny. She wouldn't let me get into a slump. She needed me. We dated. I fought my mom for it, I wanted something normal. Cameron was falling apart, and mom was going crazy, and Derek? He was distant, it was weird.

So I had Riley. She started acting...strange. So I followed her. Because that's what I do. She tried to kill herself, and started telling her foster family about mountains of bleached skulls. Things that haunted my dreams.

And then one day she showed up dead. Someone framed Cameron for it, but you know what? She knew the whole time. Who I was. She was from the future. Someone brought her to the past to mess with me and my family.

[He looks at her, simply]

So when Kurt kissed me, you know, instead of thinking, fuck, here's this friend who misread every signal, here's this guy who I'm going to have to turn down, I thought, no.

Not again.

[ Ariadne doesn't know what to say to that for a good long moment, simply because: how could she? She doesn't know what those feelings are like - she's never experienced anything like that. Sure she can guess, but what good is guessing when it comes to things like that, and is that really fair to John?

The only thing she feels could help though, is simply trying to reassure him; it's not home and the people here (as hard as it is to understand some of them at times) aren't like they are back home - they all come with their own issues and situations - something she herself really needs to be reminded of most days as well.

So with a long sigh, her hand going to the back of her neck, rubbing, she quietly says: ]

Situations aren't going to be the same here as they are at home, John. Even you've reminded me of that. People don't know the real you here -- they don't know that you're dealing with the things you're dealing with.

[ which isn't a bad thing in her opinion, as she herself was keeping so much for others (just not stuff like John was) ]

And even if they did, I don't think they are going to look at it the same way you are. So you can't be scared to let them in, John. [ which is oddly hypocritical of her to say. But maybe if she can say it, one day she can follow it as well. ]

Kurt isn't like those folks back home, he's dealing with things just like the rest of us here, and I'm sure he just needs a friend as much as you or I do. And I'm sure his emotions just got the best of him. Don't shut him out because of that. He needs you just like I need you.

[John shrugs. It's easy enough to think that he shouldn't, and he's been managing to give Kurt something, something that isn't him shutting Kurt out. That wouldn't be fair, and he's not homophobic and doesn't want Kurt to think he is.]

I can't shut him out. He's my best friend.

[Not here. Best friend, period. Outside of Cameron, who doesn't count.]

[ Her nose crinkles slightly at that, letting a quizzical look spread across her face for a moment as she considers her next few words. ]

Then what's the problem, John? What's scaring you?

[He hurts people. The people who love him, most of all. He finds them disposable in a way that he's terrified of. It's the dark part of him, and he knows it. He protects people, he says he does, but when push comes to shove he will always sacrifice the people he cares about for the betterment of everyone else.

It's not even a question. It's who he'll grow up to be. Leaders get that way on the backs of their followers, he thinks.

But he can't say any of that.]

It's complicated.

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action; SCREAMS. JOHN. BB :'(

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