constructum | C O N T A C T

[He mutters this part]

He kissed me.

On the mouth.

[In case that was her next question]

[ well she didn't see that coming. ]

Why?

[ pretty sure you said something about not being into that sort of thing, right? ]

[SEE THAT'S FUNNY BECAUSE NEITHER DID JOHN]

Well I'm guessing it's because he's attracted to me.

[Pause. Let's clear this up.]

I'm not into guys. I was telling him about my last birthday - which was awful, just to be clear - and then he set the spoon down and kissed me.

[ okay, well, huh. give her a minute to process this all. ]

What did you do when he kissed you?

I took a step back.

[ okay, well, huh. umm...

what the hell do you say to this without sounding surprised? ]

And what did he do?

[Oh my god he's not gay stop thinking of him that way Ariadne!!!!]

He got upset. More at himself.

[ oh my god she doesn't think that! it's all odd feelings, she doesn't do those well. (repressed girl here) ]

What made him do that though? I mean, he knows you aren't into that sort of thing, right?

I don't know.

[John looks vaguely uncomfortable]

He's overwhelmed, I think.

[ she just frowns slightly, rubbing at the back of her neck in thought. ]

How are you doing with it though?

[ she needs to make sure here. ]

[He gets a little quiet because he's dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions, so he's just gonna hit on the one that's strongest]

My uncle told me something, once. That they die for me. They all die for me.

The people I care about. When I grow up, everyone sacrifices themselves for John Connor.

I think I let myself get too close.

[That means to Hayley, and to Ariadne, too.]

[ her brow furrows in thought at that, moving over towards her bed to sit in thought. she might not know/understand the whole sacrificing oneself for others feeling, but she knows what getting too close feels like. and it's a horrible feeling to have. ]

This isn't there though, John. [ she quietly said, nodding slightly towards the spot next to her, simply wanting him to sit.]

[He sits, and it's like he's folding in on himself. Kurt kissed him and ran away, and he has to fix Cameron, and on top of that, he hasn't dealt with his mom leaving him.]

I met this girl, back home. Funny. Not smart, so I got to feel smart, you know? Bright. Sunny. She wouldn't let me get into a slump. She needed me. We dated. I fought my mom for it, I wanted something normal. Cameron was falling apart, and mom was going crazy, and Derek? He was distant, it was weird.

So I had Riley. She started acting...strange. So I followed her. Because that's what I do. She tried to kill herself, and started telling her foster family about mountains of bleached skulls. Things that haunted my dreams.

And then one day she showed up dead. Someone framed Cameron for it, but you know what? She knew the whole time. Who I was. She was from the future. Someone brought her to the past to mess with me and my family.

[He looks at her, simply]

So when Kurt kissed me, you know, instead of thinking, fuck, here's this friend who misread every signal, here's this guy who I'm going to have to turn down, I thought, no.

Not again.

[ Ariadne doesn't know what to say to that for a good long moment, simply because: how could she? She doesn't know what those feelings are like - she's never experienced anything like that. Sure she can guess, but what good is guessing when it comes to things like that, and is that really fair to John?

The only thing she feels could help though, is simply trying to reassure him; it's not home and the people here (as hard as it is to understand some of them at times) aren't like they are back home - they all come with their own issues and situations - something she herself really needs to be reminded of most days as well.

So with a long sigh, her hand going to the back of her neck, rubbing, she quietly says: ]

Situations aren't going to be the same here as they are at home, John. Even you've reminded me of that. People don't know the real you here -- they don't know that you're dealing with the things you're dealing with.

[ which isn't a bad thing in her opinion, as she herself was keeping so much for others (just not stuff like John was) ]

And even if they did, I don't think they are going to look at it the same way you are. So you can't be scared to let them in, John. [ which is oddly hypocritical of her to say. But maybe if she can say it, one day she can follow it as well. ]

Kurt isn't like those folks back home, he's dealing with things just like the rest of us here, and I'm sure he just needs a friend as much as you or I do. And I'm sure his emotions just got the best of him. Don't shut him out because of that. He needs you just like I need you.

[John shrugs. It's easy enough to think that he shouldn't, and he's been managing to give Kurt something, something that isn't him shutting Kurt out. That wouldn't be fair, and he's not homophobic and doesn't want Kurt to think he is.]

I can't shut him out. He's my best friend.

[Not here. Best friend, period. Outside of Cameron, who doesn't count.]

[ Her nose crinkles slightly at that, letting a quizzical look spread across her face for a moment as she considers her next few words. ]

Then what's the problem, John? What's scaring you?

[He hurts people. The people who love him, most of all. He finds them disposable in a way that he's terrified of. It's the dark part of him, and he knows it. He protects people, he says he does, but when push comes to shove he will always sacrifice the people he cares about for the betterment of everyone else.

It's not even a question. It's who he'll grow up to be. Leaders get that way on the backs of their followers, he thinks.

But he can't say any of that.]

It's complicated.

[ A quick shake of her head and she is frowning at his words. ]

You don't get to say that - not with me. [ she's used 'it's complicated' one too many times to know it just needs to come out. ]

What is it?

[He eyes her and shakes his head for a second. It takes him another moment, a long, long pause.]

As much as I'm not at home, I can't just abandon the person I'm supposed to be. Not anymore.

[ again, she is quickly shaking her head, brow furrowing at it.

she really doesn't like that answer. ]

Back home I work with a bunch of criminals and you save the world.

We aren't back home John; you can't be the same person you were back home.

[ and she is dead set that that is the truth (even if she has a hard time believing it from time to time) ]

Kurt only expects you to be his friend, not some savior of man.

[Sometimes John can't verbalize these things. His family isn't big on sharing feelings, only weaponry.]

I'll be John Connor my whole life. I've run from that, and I keep ending up in the same place.

[He rubs the top of his head - he's dangerously near needing another haircut]

I'm not going to avoid him. I just need to figure all this out.

[ her expression softens at that, as she just lets out a long sigh. ]

You're not John Connor to me, you're just plain old John, the guy that's my friend and who I admit odd things to.

[ she is as honest as she can be there, because he really isn't anything other than her friend - a person she met in space - he's not someone that saves the world for her (her world doesn't need saving) ]

I'm also the guy who broke your arm.

[But hey it healed so no harm no foul.]

[ Wow, way to bring that up and get her to laugh some at it. ]

Well that too.

And you're still the person I met on the ship who isn't expected to be anything they don't want to be.

[He looks her over]

Well if you kiss me I won't go easy on you, you know.

[Wow, a joke.]

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action; SCREAMS. JOHN. BB :'(

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