constructum | C O N T A C T

[John shrugs. It's easy enough to think that he shouldn't, and he's been managing to give Kurt something, something that isn't him shutting Kurt out. That wouldn't be fair, and he's not homophobic and doesn't want Kurt to think he is.]

I can't shut him out. He's my best friend.

[Not here. Best friend, period. Outside of Cameron, who doesn't count.]

[ Her nose crinkles slightly at that, letting a quizzical look spread across her face for a moment as she considers her next few words. ]

Then what's the problem, John? What's scaring you?

[He hurts people. The people who love him, most of all. He finds them disposable in a way that he's terrified of. It's the dark part of him, and he knows it. He protects people, he says he does, but when push comes to shove he will always sacrifice the people he cares about for the betterment of everyone else.

It's not even a question. It's who he'll grow up to be. Leaders get that way on the backs of their followers, he thinks.

But he can't say any of that.]

It's complicated.

[ A quick shake of her head and she is frowning at his words. ]

You don't get to say that - not with me. [ she's used 'it's complicated' one too many times to know it just needs to come out. ]

What is it?

[He eyes her and shakes his head for a second. It takes him another moment, a long, long pause.]

As much as I'm not at home, I can't just abandon the person I'm supposed to be. Not anymore.

[ again, she is quickly shaking her head, brow furrowing at it.

she really doesn't like that answer. ]

Back home I work with a bunch of criminals and you save the world.

We aren't back home John; you can't be the same person you were back home.

[ and she is dead set that that is the truth (even if she has a hard time believing it from time to time) ]

Kurt only expects you to be his friend, not some savior of man.

[Sometimes John can't verbalize these things. His family isn't big on sharing feelings, only weaponry.]

I'll be John Connor my whole life. I've run from that, and I keep ending up in the same place.

[He rubs the top of his head - he's dangerously near needing another haircut]

I'm not going to avoid him. I just need to figure all this out.

[ her expression softens at that, as she just lets out a long sigh. ]

You're not John Connor to me, you're just plain old John, the guy that's my friend and who I admit odd things to.

[ she is as honest as she can be there, because he really isn't anything other than her friend - a person she met in space - he's not someone that saves the world for her (her world doesn't need saving) ]

I'm also the guy who broke your arm.

[But hey it healed so no harm no foul.]

[ Wow, way to bring that up and get her to laugh some at it. ]

Well that too.

And you're still the person I met on the ship who isn't expected to be anything they don't want to be.

[He looks her over]

Well if you kiss me I won't go easy on you, you know.

[Wow, a joke.]

[ she rolls her eyes, shaking her head in amusement at that. ]

I expect you to go running and screaming down the halls telling everyone, okay?

[ yep, a really bad joke. ]

I got over cooties when I was eight.

[Actually he never had that phase]

But have you ever dealt with space cooites before?

[ yeah, she is actually joking right now shocker. ]

Are they more potent?

Maybe. I heard they like Tang.

[ SHE CAN PRETEND TO LOOK SERIOUS HERE, REALLY SHE CAN ]

You're weird.

And you're friends with me.

So what's that make you?

I don't think it works that way.

[ she laughed lightly at that, shaking her head some as she did. ]

Of course it does, you have to start question your judgment on becoming my friend here.

[ it's a small joke, and it might not come off like she hopes, but she really is just hoping to get john to relax some.

which is why she has to quietly ask: ] How are you doing though - aside from Kurt kissing you and all that?

[He shrugs. He's not sure if he's ready to tell anyone his mom is gone, yet.]

[ her brow furrows at that, watching him in a silent consideration for a moment. she knows john has never really been the chatty type, but for some reason here, she feels like there is something more he is not saying and she can't help but be somewhat concerned. ]

What's up, John? [ and yes, her tone is calm, but showing she wants to know. ]

[He just sits there, silent for another moment, then looks up at her]

My mom is gone.

[ her expression just falls at that, her hand going to the back of her neck, rubbing. ]

When?

I don't know.

[There's a rasp of pain there, suddenly]

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